Imagine that your child is having a tantrum because she doesn’t like what you prepared for dinner, even though it is exactly what she asked for. You are exhausted after a long day at work and frustrated with her behavior. You take a deep breath and try to calmly handle the situation. Now imagine the same scenario, but this time with your partner present. What – if anything – is different? Does the presence of your partner have a calming effect on you? Or does their presence lead you to get even angrier? And what would be the effect of the presence of your partner on your child? The current set of studies investigates how the presence of one’s partner affects emotions and emotion regulation during emotionally charged incidents with their child. We examined how partner presence influences the intensity of parents’ emotions, their emotion regulation and their interpretation of their children’s emotion regulation. We examine these questions both in parents of typically developing children as well as in parents of autistic children, which we assume leads to more intense emotional interactions.
Other Presence and Emotional Responding
Human beings are highly sensitive to the presence of others around them. In the vast majority of cases, having people around, especially if they provide social support (positive interactions as affirmation and emotional aid), leads to positive outcomes, physically and mentally (Dekkers et al., 2001; McNichols, 2002; Czajkowski, Arteaga & Burg, 2022; Altan-Atalay & Atalar, 2022; Brock, Harp & Neta, 2022; Akkus & Peker, 2021; Geva, Uzefovsky & Levy-Tzedek, 2020; Reddan et al., 2020; Grey et al., 2020). Social support is especially beneficial when it comes from a loved one (Coan, J. A., Schaefer, H.S., & Davidson, R.J., 2006; Duca et al., 2023). This tendency is seen already in very early age, when the mere presence of a parent helps infants regulate their own emotions and manage psychological stress (Feldman, 2007; Feldman et al, 2009; Coan, 2010; Duca et al., 2023). This kind of mother-infant attunement likely serves both adaptational and survival purposes (Waters, West, & Mendes, 2014). Hofer (2006) has proposed that what begins as the regulation of basic physiological needs gradually transforms into the regulation of emotion in adulthood (Fraley & Shaver, 2000). For example, psychological and biological interdependencies with a trusted partner may automatically restore emotional and physiological balance (Coan, 2008, 2010; Clark, M. S. & Finkel, E. J., 2013).
Studies examining emotion regulation between adults have shown that social support both reduces negative affect (Harlow & Cantor, 1995; Altan-Atalay & Atalar, 2022; Grey et al., 2020) and increases positive affect (Gable & Reis, 2010). In some social situations, merely the presence of another individual promotes emotion regulation (Coan, Schaefer & Davidson, 2006; Jakobs, Manstead & Fischer, 2001; Azhari et al., 2020; Ogolsky et al., 2022). Coan and colleagues (2006) found that women exposed to a mild shock reported less pain when holding either their spouse’s or a stranger’s hand. Spouse handholding was more powerful and created greater regulation compared to stranger handholding.
Emotion Regulation in Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships seem to have a positive influence on emotions and emotion regulation. In many cases emotion regulation may occur without partners’ explicit motivation to regulate their partner’s emotion. Emotional interactions between romantic partners often function as emotion regulation in which the individuals influence each other’s emotions towards a stable state (Butler & Randall, 2012; Gross, J.J., 2013; Gross & Thompson, 2007; Coutinho et al., 2020). We find this phenomenon is common in non-distressed couples. Studies report more humor, more support, and less defensiveness in non-distressed than in distressed couples (Mishler & Waxler, 1968; Riskin & Faunce, 1970; Levenson & Gottman, 1983). Coan (2010) suggests another perspective and claims that the presence of a partner leads to fewer problems that need solving by the threatened individual.
Some of the findings about emotions in couples emphasize the positive synchrony between partners’ emotional states. For example, studies have shown that partners’ affective states align when reunited after a period of separation (Schoebi, 2008), and that there is a positive association between partners’ negative moods (Saxbe et al., 2010). Despite the evidence that partner presence contributes to reduction in negative emotions and emphasizes positive synchrony between partners’ emotional states, some studies bring to light a more complex nature of emotional synchrony and even demonstrate the opposite effect. For example, Goldenberg and colleagues (2017) found that higher quality of marriage is associated with the tendency to reduce one’s emotions in response to their partner’s overreaction in emotionally charged situations with their children. Romantic partners regulate their emotions to balance out their partner’s emotional responses. Such “balancing out” processes are defined as emotional compensation and occur mainly in situations in which there is high certainty regarding the correct emotional response.
Emotion Regulation in Parent-Child Dyads
When discussing emotion regulation in dyads, one domain that is especially important to explore is parents’ emotions and their responses to their children’s emotions. Parents’ emotions and parenting behavior have a significant effect on their children’s emotional functioning (Ramsden and Hubbard, 2002, Grabell et al., 2019). For example, a parent’s emotional expression provides an important model for the child about how to express emotions, (Denham, 1998; Halberstadt & Eaton, 2002; Parke, 1994; Morris et al., 2007; Lindsey, 2020; Perry et al., 2020).
Parents who have difficulties identifying and expressing their own emotions, may also have difficulty identifying their child’s emotions, impairing their ability to respond to their child’s emotional needs (Garber, Braafladt, & Zeman, 1991; Katz & Hunter, 2007; Renzi, Conte & Tambelli, 2022). Parents’ interpretation of their child’s emotions is crucial to their own emotional response. For example, if a parent overestimates their child’s emotions, this may lead them to respond emotionally as well.
Parents’ emotion regulation is an especially important resource in managing heightened levels of stress and other negative affective states (Berscheid, 2003; Vertsberger et al., 2022). While all parents encounter stressful situations with their children, parents of children with developmental disabilities, and specifically autism, report higher levels of stress and other negative affective states than parents of typically developing children (Baker- Ericzen, Brookman-Frazee, & Stahmer, 2005; Dyson, 1993; Eisenhower, Baker, & Blacher, 2005; Montes & Halterman, 2007). This stress places all family members at increased risk for reduced well-being and increased depressive symptoms (Paynter et al., 2013; Ingersoll & Hambrick 2011; Rivard et al., 2014). As emotion expression and emotion regulation have been found to be essential in stressful situations, we aim to learn how partner presence affects the experience and regulation of emotions in naturally occurring parental situations, first in parents of typically developing children and second in parents of autistic children.
The Present Research
The goal of the present research is to examine the effect of the presence of parents’ partners on the intensity of parents’ emotions and their (and their child’s) ability to regulate their emotions during a naturally occurring, emotionally charged interaction with their child. We compared two situations: one in which the partner was present during the interaction and one in which the partner was absent. We hypothesized that compared to when the partner was absent when the partner was present, parents would report (1) lower intensity of emotions (2) greater ability to regulate their emotions (3) greater ability of their children to regulate their emotions. To test these hypotheses, we ran two correlational studies. The first was with parents from a non-clinical population and the second was with parents of autistic children.